The Challenge of Marriage

In a recent conversation regarding marriage, a young lady began to express her frustration regarding the fact that she was not married yet and how badly she desired to be married. In conversations such as this, being “ready” for married rarely comes up. If it does, “readiness” is usually based upon one’s desire as opposed to one’s preparedness.

I’m reminded of a comment that a dear friend recently made . . .

“EVERYBODY IS READY TO GET MARRIED,
BUT EVERYBODY ISN’T READY TO BE MARRIED.”

How true and liberating these words are . . . for those willing to listen and adhere.

Readiness is EXTREMELY important. As a matter of fact, without it, we are almost sure to suffer unnecessary hardship and possibly fail. How does one prepare for SUCCESSFUL marriage? When a Christian gets married, foresight and counsel play key roles. For this reason, let’s take a look at some marriage-related topics.

We’ll refer to this as THE CHALLENGE OF MARRIAGE. There are several key points — some exclusively for men and some exclusively for women. You can proceed to the section of your choice by clicking the links to the left.

Examine each key point. Be honest with yourself and ask yourself the question….are you really ready for marriage or are you just tired of being single?

MEN

» How to Possess a Vessel (1 Thessalonians 4:3-4)

This frequently overlooked passage should be a mainstay for brothers in Christ desiring to be married. Paul declares that every man should know how to select and marry a wife (the actual meaning) in an honorable fashion.

Paul contrasts this mindset with how men in the world pursue marriage — through the lust of concupiscence, driven by lust instead of by wisdom. Brothers, if your loins choose your wife (e.g., Samson), your eyes might be happy and your ego will be boosted, but you’ll be very, very, very sorry!!!

God wants His sons to consider much, much more than her looks. Keep reading. Other facets will become clearer as you review this article.

» Who Said It’s Not Good…You or God? (Genesis 2:18)

While many brethren take it upon themselves (alone) to determine when the time is right to get married, it behooves us to consider the fact that it was God who made the decree regarding Adam being alone.

Considering the fact that marriage is a gift (Matthew 19:11 and 1 Corinthians 7:7), more brothers should duplicate Adam’s efforts by being about the Father’s business and allowing Him to give the gift of marriage instead of forcing the issue.

How about it, brothers? Can you trust God to make the decree for you or are you determined to rush into the covenant?

» Are You “Headship” Material? (Ephesians 5:23)

This verse declares that the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church. This is a great responsibility — one that should be greatly respected and prepared for and, therefore, should not be taken lightly.

Are you read the SERVE as the head of one of Christ’s daughters? Are you ready to serve as a provider, covering, intercessor, etc.?

Give it some thought before you plunge into marriage without the proper “equipment”.

» The Call to Young Men (Titus 2:6-8)

Titus 2:6-8 says, “Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded. In all things showing thyself a pattern of good works: in doctrine showing uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity, Sound speech, that cannot be condemned; that he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you.”

In short, this is a call to integrity. Every married man should desire to be a man of integrity. When the elements of Paul’s exhortation are embraced by the man, everyone else in the home benefits. To ignore this exhortation is to send one’s home into disarray.

You cannot successfully resist the devil if you are not a man of integrity.

» Can You Teach . . . Soundly? (1 Corinthians 14:35)

The focus in this verse is the implied message regarding men — if the wife must ask the husband at home, he must obviously be equipped to answer…PROPERLY.

Too many “non-apt-to-teach” brothers are walking down the aisle these days (or thinking about it). This results in poorly guided and cared for homes and children being raised without experiencing the authority of God in the home.

Brothers, allow the Lord to groom you while you’re single. Though you may not be responsible for teaching at church, you will definitely be responsible for teaching at home. Be ready!!!

» Are You Ready to Leave (Genesis 2:24)

Many of us have heard the slick catch phrase “leave and cleave”. Though cute, there is a message here that MUST be grasped by both men and women.

There is no greater relationship on earth than that of a husband and wife. Sadly, many married people suffer needlessly because one or more partners have left home “physically”, but not mentally or emotionally. As a result, people who are not part of this “one flesh union” have more authority/input in the relationship than they should and cause a great deal of pain and frustration.

What about it? Are you ready to “leave” or are you still too dependent on your parents/family?

» Keeping the Prayer Lines Open (1 Peter 3:7)

It is imperative that a husband learn to give his wife the appropriate level of honor and regard. This is more than a notion, as indicated by 1 Peter 3. To neglect his charge will result in a short-circuiting of a husband’s prayer life. If the enemy can short circuit a husband’s prayer life, he can create havoc in the home.

Brothers, before you get married, learn what it means to honor your wife — because it is right, because she deserves it and to keep your prayers from being hindered.

» Help — The Male’s Perspective (Genesis 2:18)

God looked upon Adam’s situation, said that it wasn’t good for him to be alone and responded by giving him a help meet (help that is sufficient). From God’s perspective, Adam obviously needed help. I know you don’t have the authority to answer this question, but HOW ABOUT YOU???

I talked to a brother once who spoke of sitting back, taking it easy and just waiting on the Lord to give him a wife. I presented this question and issue to him: “If you’re not doing anything, it’s obvious that you don’t need help. That being the case, why should God give you help?”

Think about it.

» Easy Yokes and Light Burdens (Matthew 11:30)

The easy yokes and light burdens that Jesus gives us are a token of His love. Though things may appear tough at times, Jesus made it as easy for us as possible and as necessary, with all goals in mind. Likewise, brothers who will love their wife as Christ loves the church will do the same.

Brothers, before you get married, make sure that you’ll be as easy to deal with as possible. Don’t be one of those brothers that gives their wives grievous yokes and heavy burdens. Get yourself together before you get married. Don’t wait until you get married to work on everything.

That’s simply not loving.

» Valuing Companionship (Malachi 2:14)

Unfortunately, many people who get married, both male and female, view their spouse as an object. This mindset is contrary to the will and mind of God. Malachi 2:14 reaffirms that our spouse is our companion (friend).

Knowing this BEFORE you get married should help you decide who to marry. Those who are not capable of being friends ARE NOT marriage material. Likewise, those who do not appreciate friendship are not ready for marriage. Those who are successful in marriage spend much, much more time as “friends” than as “lovers”.

If friendship is a problem in your walk with Christ, ask Him to give you wisdom concerning this issue. God can transform you into friendship material, as well as bringing true friends into your life. This will bless you in your current and future states.

Women

» Help — the Female’s Perspective (Genesis 2:18)

One of the errors of the day is to refer to Eve as a “help mate” instead of a “help meet”. “Help meet” basically means “help that is sufficient for the task at hand. In other words, a help meet is a person who is equipped to assist someone accomplish a particular thing.

Since “help meet” refers to the sisters, ladies, ask yourself this question — are you help meet material? What help can you provide? If you can only “help” a husband sexually, you have nothing more to offer than someone who is not saved. When you qualify as a “help meet” then God can safely give you to someone.

Think about it.

» Are You Crown Material (Proverbs 12:4)

A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband…. The term “crown” doesn’t refer to something that the husband wears. It means “to protect or encircle from danger”. A woman’s crown potential is dependent upon her level of virtue. Virtue refers to “wealth, power and strength” and is reflective of one’s character and integrity. Do you have a level of virtue that translates into “crown” material? Do you have what it takes to “protect” a husband? Is your heart willing to meet this challenge?

Consider it carefully.

» Wisdom Check (Proverbs 14:1)

This verse lets us know that a wise woman builds her house. It also lets us know that a foolish woman tears her house down. Your level of wisdom will affect your walk with Christ now and will also affect your home life in the future.

Don’t take wisdom lightly. There is no middle ground here. If you are a wise woman, your home will flourish — even if you have a husband that’s not so bright (see 1 Samuel 25:3 — this is not an excuse to marry a foolish, ungodly or unsaved man).

If you lack wisdom, seek the face of the Lord. He gives wisdom liberally to everyone who asks for it (James 1:5).

» God’s Gift (Proverbs 19:14)

Have you ever heard someone referred to as “God’s gift to men”? This is usually regarded as an extremely high compliment, denoting that the person being spoken of is “the cream of the crop” or “the best thing going”. This term is used in secular circles on a consistent basis. Little be it known that there is such a thing as “God’s gift”, but it’s not based on the same criteria. Proverbs 19:14 lets us know that “a prudent wife is from the Lord.” Hence, a prudent woman is God’s gift to a man.

What is prudence? Prudence refers to “being circumspect and intelligent.” In other words, a prudent woman is sharp, has keen senses, walks in wisdom, is aware of what’s going on around her and keeps her purity and integrity in tact. A prudent woman is not heady, silly or uninformed.

What about it ladies? Are you one of God’s gifts? If not, He’s on standby to help you make the necessary changes — helping with the transformation!

» Handling Constructive Criticism (Titus 2:4)

In this exhortation regarding young women, there is a “hidden” message. Older women are exhorted to teach younger ones to be sober (sharp and aware). The Greek word used here is actually “teach to be of sound mind”, meaning, “to discipline”. This lets us know that young women should be able to respond properly to disciplinary tactics. In other words, you should have a good attitude when corrected and/or instructed.

How do you respond when corrected, challenged about your behavior or instructed? Do you resist, challenge back and give the person grief? If so, you’re not capable of being taught or dealt with constructively. Likewise, those who have this attitude and get married are bound to respond to their husbands improperly and, therefore, threaten the well-being of their home.

» Lookin’ Good, But Sayin’ Nothin’ (Proverbs 11:22)

With all this talk about character, some might wonder where beauty and attractiveness fit in. It fits in alright — to the point that we don’t need to address it (at least not now). For the most part, beauty and attractiveness is a non-issue because most of it is handled from the natural side. Please be aware that thought someone might be beautiful, that DOES NOT qualify or sanction them as marriage material. Proverbs 11:22 says (in modern-day terms) that a beautiful woman that doesn’t have any discretion (discernment, intelligence and understanding) is like a pig with a valuable jewel in its nose.

Sisters, is this what you want to be? If not, I suggest that you be careful and wise because there’s a lot of this “going around”.

Think about it!

» The Importance of Obedience (Titus 2:5)

Many single women (as well as married ones) cringe when the topic of “obedience to husbands” is presented. If obedience is properly understood, this will not be the case. Regardless of where your heart is concerning this issue, I beg you to consider God’s mind regarding obedience to husbands — a broad view is given here.

Titus 2:5 lets us know that when a woman violates the order of the home by disregarding and disrespecting her husband, it can result in blasphemy of hte word of God. That’s EXTREMELY serious. If you have a problem with the concept of obedience to a husband, do yourself and everyone else a favor and stay single until your attitude has changed. You’ll be glad you did!

» How’s Your Temper (Proverbs 21:19)

Today’s circles spend a great deal of time talking about abusive men, but you rarely, if at all, hear about women who are abusive towards men. Proverbs mentions this scenario several times. Proverbs 21:19 is just one of many exhortations. Interestly, this verse states that it is better for a man to live in the desert than with the contentious and angry woman (Hebrew definitions: brawling, quarrelsome, indignant and spiteful).

Much to God’s dismay, there are several women just like this that are planted in Christendom. Brothers usually end up with women like this because they allow themselves to be hypnotized — blinded by the beauty of the woman — receiving torment as their reward because they chose to forsake wisdom.

Sisters, what’s your temper like? Do you have it under control? Do you know how to express displeasure? Are you one of those women that always has to “speak her mind”? If so, you’re still single for a reason.

Proverbs 19:11 says the discretion of a man deferreth his anger…. To overcome anger, one must increase his/her discretion. By the way, “discretion” also means “prudence” (remember, a prudent wife is from the Lord).

This means that God won’t give a man a woman that will expose him to abuse. If you are a combative woman, ask God to give you grace to become peaceable.

See the next frame for further “personality-related” commentary.

NOTE: Of course, this works the other way around also.

» Diplomacy — The Mark of Sarah (1 Peter 3:4)

First Peter 3:1-6 is great commentary on the model of a successful wife — from an inward perspective. Tooooo many times, women who don’t feel that they’re getting what they want or what they deserve, will resort to “tactics” that are pretty much guaranteed NOT to get results — at least not the results that God has ordained for the victorious. Instead of embracing a meek and quiet spirit, dealing with matters based on character and integrity, many women will expend energy telling men how they feel (with no boundaries). They yell, scream and use abusive language. Sisters, to be ready for the challenge of marriage, you must approach matters like Sarah and the women of old. They “wore” the meek and quiet spirit the same way that other women wear jewelry and fine clothes.

Learn the value of meekness and quietness (diplomacy) — the opposite of loudness and stubbornness (see Proverbs 7:11). You must at least be pressing toward this attribute to be successful in marriage.

The Conclusion of the Matter (Prov. 31:30 & Eph. 5:25)

Put the two verses above (Proverbs 31:30 and Ephesians 5:25) together and the common denominator is “character”. A single Christian considering marriage must embrace character on an individual basis AND be able to properly discern the integrity level of friends, as well as a potential marriage partner. Just as a doctor must attend medical school prior to practicing and a mechanic must become certified before working in a particular establishment, a Christian seeking to be successful in marriage MUST become educated and grow in grace prior to entering marriage.

A potential husband must learn to love his wife as Christ loved the church BEFORE getting married. A potential wife must develop certain levels of prudence and wisdom BEFORE getting married. If you’re not married yet, consider and understand that God is more concerned about YOU than He is concerned about GIVING YOU to someone else.

Knowing that he loves us should let us know that He’s not going to put us in situations that aren’t in our best interest.

We could go on and on, but we’ll stop here. Well, are you up for the challenge? If you toes were stepped on, be sorry (penitent) but don’t be condemned. Because your actions are attitudes are condemned, that doesn’t mean that you are.

Marriage is ALWAYS bigger than the two individuals who are getting married. Enter into marriage soberly. Don’t spend so much time (or money) preparing for the ONE DAY that you spend no time being prepared for the hundreds and thousands of days that will follow.

The challenge of marriage awaits many. Don’t be caught with your guard down. Remember, Paul said that those who are married will have trouble in the flesh. Do everyone (and yourself) a favor. Keep your trouble to a minimum by accepting and adhering to the aforementioned challenges.

Until next time, keep the word and be blessed!!!

The Challenge of Marriage written by Darren Hood
Copyright © 1997, Darren Hood and Scenario Ministries International.  All rights reserved.

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