Relationship Idolatry

Bear with me as I present some scenarios for your review to help drive the point home.

SCENARIO 1
Person A becomes born again. Shortly thereafter, the person learns that fornication is a no-no for believers — that sexual relations are only lawful for those that are married. Immediately, the person develops, feeds and nurtures a feverish appetite for marriage. Interestingly, this “appetite for marriage” didn’t exist prior to getting saved.

SCENARIO 2
John and Jane are both saved. They have been courting for six months. Jane is beginning to have questions about the validity of the relationship and begins distancing herself from John and even discusses the matter with him. John, fearing that the relationship is coming to an end (and also fearing the “benefits” of the relationship’s potential) begins to manifest a great deal of anxiety. He thinks about the “failed relationship” quite often. He is extremely sad and begins going to extremes in an effort to “save” it. He asks people to talk to Jane. He sends her numerous gifts, subjecting himself to financial stress in the process. He asks everyone to pray for them (as if his life is coming to an end). The relationship comes to an end and John becomes severely distressed mentally and going into a shell for the next year.

SCENARIO 3
Dan and Michelle are both saved and have been dating/courting for three weeks. Their relationship’s foundation is purely physical — both enamoured with each other’s attractiveness. Dan realizes that the relationship has a lousy (and ungodly) foundation. He takes the lead and informs Michelle that they should end the relationship now, before any complications develop. Michelle becomes frantic. “You’re just going to throw away three whole weeks?!?!” she exclaims. After a “week of recovery”, she moves on to replace Dan, passionate about finding a new relationship.

COMMON DENOMINATOR
Many of the individuals in these examples are much more concerned about being in a relationship and/or being married than they are about having a healthy, orderly and fruitful discipleship level with the Lord Jesus.

First, let me say that marriage is honorable — as also says the scriptures (Hebrews 13). It is a wonderful and glorious state to be in — even with its challenges and its ups and downs.

The desire to be married is also honorable. There is, unfortunately, an associated problem (one that hides behind the honor of the desire). While the desire is honorable, that doesn’t mean that the motive, qualification of the individual or the PRIORITY of the desire are in order. Singles, let’s look at these three elements of “relationship pursuit” with emphasis being placed on the PRIORITY, as it is the most dangerous if out of order.

• Relationship Motive(s): Many want to be in relationships, but not for the right reasons. Some just want to be married so they can have “legal sex”. That’s not a good enough reason. If you don’t understand marriage, your motives might be questionable.
  
  
• Relationship Qualification: Are you husband or wife material? Are you a good potential parent? Have you given either any thought? Many of those getting married don’t have a clue what’s expected of them, nor do they have a realistic (scriptural) expectation of their spouse.
  
  
• Relationship Priority: How passionate are you about being in a relationship or getting married? Does your desire to be in a relationship or be married exceed your desire to please God? While most singles will answer “no”, their behavior gives a resounding “yes.” What about it? WHY do you want to be married? Are you marriage material? How much do you know about marriage? Being married, in and of itself, doesn’t make a person a husband or a wife. One’s function qualifies them as such.

Do you want to be married just so you can have “legal” sexual relations? Are you pursuing marriage for financial reasons? Do you know what to expect? Do you realize that a marriage is a covenant and should not be entered into flippantly? Do you just want to be married or do you want to be a successfull and properly functioning husband/wife?

Most importantly, is marriage or being in a relationship PRIORITY ONE in your life? Don’t answer that question. Look at your behavior and your attitude and see what IT says. If you want to be in a relationship TOO MUCH, you could be in danger. If you sit around and dream about relationships with a fairy-tale mindset, you’re not being realistic. If seeking the kingdom of God is not at the forefront of your life, your priorities are out of whack.

As stated, being in a relationship is an honorable thing. It can be and is, however, AN IDOL if it supersedes your responsibility and call as a Christian. If your affection is inordinate (out of order) and you have a driving passion for a relationship (to the point where is controls and severely impacts your behavior), you are being covetous. Being in a relationship is AN IDOL and that idol (being in love with love), just as in the days of the Israelite kings when an idol was found, needs to be cast down.

How can you cast such an idol down? Here is a non-exhaustive list of things you need to do:

• Obtain and Keep a Proper Perspective: Make sure that your mindset about relationships is realistic. Realism is a sure fire way to eliminate ALL dangerous mindsets, including idolatry. Don’t run out and buy a bunch of books. One need look no further than the scriptures. A potential wife must review scriptures that talk about successful wives. Remember, a wife is a “help meet” (help sufficient) — NOT A HELP MATE!!! A husband is a provider and leader. The word “husband” actually contains a hidden compound word — HOUSE BAND. Therefore, a husband is one who bands the house together. Too many people are inordinately passionate about getting married, only to have their “bubble bursted” by reality. Don’t be caught by surprise. Ask God for wisdom BEFOREHAND — even before embarking upon a relationship.
  
  
• Overcome “Puppy-Love/Fairytale Syndrome”: Too many people enter relationships with people for either the same reason they liked someone when they were children OR in the same manner as we’ve all viewed in fairy tales. Love at first sight is a rarity and even in those cases, they still had to get to know the other individual in order to have a fruitful relationship. Puppy love and fairy tale mindsets offer NO potential for success in relationships. Yet, many Christians embrace such behavior only to complain later about the relationship they’re in. A person should have done something to merit your desire to be in a relationship with them — something that has nothing to do with their appearance.
  
  
• Accept Separation/Failure of a Relationship: Many who “worship” relationships hate to see something coming to an end. Yeah, it hurts when such a thing happens, but what many fail to see in such situations is the goodness of God! Contrary to popular belief, Jesus, the loving God that He is actually plays a part in the dissolution of ill-fated courtships, in hopes that those involved will eventually see what He sees. Unfortunately, this is not the case. First hand, you wouldn’t believe the number of prayer requests, received by this ministry alone, where people want us to pray for restoration of a failed/failing courtship OR that the Lord will touch a person’s heart to reconsider. The latter of these two is absolutely absurd. IF GOD WON’T MAKE YOU BE SAVED AND PRESENT YOUR BODY A LIVING SACRIFICE, WHY WOULD HE MAKE SOMEONE LOVE ANOTHER PERSON?!?!?!? Accept the failed courtship, learn from any mistakes you’ve made and get on with your life.
  
  
• Keep Your Hands Where They Belong: This is actually another subject, but we’ll cover it here anyway. Many a person in Christendom suffers from hyperaffection. In other words, they take a liking to a person and become involved in fondling and heavy petting, thinking that since it’s okay since it’s not “full blown fornication”. If the person isn’t your wife or husband, your hands don’t belong on their body — PERIOD!!! That’s rough, you say? You’re right, but that’s why the Bible says — TO AVOID FORNICATION, LET EVERY MAN HAVE HIS OWN WIFE AND EVERY WOMAN HER OWN HUSBAND (1 Corinthians 7:2 — paraphrased). Many have been involved in hyperaffection, only to develop unwarranted and unhealthy attachments with people (referred to by many as “soul ties). The people involved don’t usually have the discipline to break off such a relationship. Much grief follows. If you keep your hands where they ought to be, you won’t have to worry about this “relationship complication”.
  
  
• Cultivate Friendship (Honestly): Many folks teach that you shouldn’t get into a relationship with a friend. The Bible begs to differ. Proverbs 17:17 says that “A friend loveth at all times . . . .” Isn’t that wonderful. True friendship helps us to appreciate other people. It teaches us responsibility. It teaches us how to do for others, for their good. Toooo many people are marrying folks that aren’t their friends. Many people see a person of the opposite sex, find them attractive and pursue a relationship with them (with absolutely no reasonable merit). In so doing, the friendship process can easily be overlooked or pushed to the side. This is dangerous. If you develop a friendship, you’ll reap the benefits of Proverbs 17:17 — you’ll love at all times and you’ll be loved at all times (if you make sure to marry a friend). All this considered, you’d be wrong NOT to marry someone who has proven themselves as your friend. Don’t use “friendship” as a pretense to get into a relationship. If you’re going to be a friend, then be a friend!

Lastly, and as stated in today’s text, we are called to MORTIFY (put to death — render inactive — subdue) our members (mind, heart and body) that are upon the earth. Fornication (all unlawful sexual activity, including masturbation), uncleanness (poor moral status, impurity), inordinate affection (wanting something TOO MUCH — overly passionate desire), evil concupiscence (desire for that which is forbidden) and covetousness (avarice, fradulent, extortion-based desire — desiring something that’s not yours and/or desiring to the point that you take things by force), which is idolatry ALL HAVE NO PLACE IN THE LIFE OF A CHRISTIAN.

Inordinate affection and covetousness have place in the lives of too many singles, resulting from ill-founded relationships and a lot of unnecessary frustration and stress. In addition, the end result of NOT mortifying such behavior is suffering the wrath of God. That should be the ultimate deterrent.

Do you want to be a victorious single? Make sure that you overcome RELATIONSHIP IDOLATRY before you get into a relationship AND make sure that the person you end up in a relationship with has overcome as well.

Until next time, keep the word (make sure you’ve overcome relationship idolatry) and be blessed!

“Relationship Idolatry” by Darren W. Hood
Copyright © 2002, CyberSaint/Scenario Ministries International
An outreach ministry of Remnant Christian Assembly, Inc. All rights reserved.
Feel free to reproduce for noncommercial purposes.