Games People Should Play
We’ve held many open floor discussions for the singles over the years, both of the impromptu and the official variety. During most of these events, at some time or another, at least one or two people make comments or ask questions about games people play with regards to relationships.
Amongst the commentary, we’ve heard women complain about brothers who get close to a sister for the sole purpose of gaining entrance into a relationship with her friend, knowing the whole time that the person he befriended was developing feelings for him. Men complain about women who say they want brothers to approach them and show interest and then play hard to get, the old worldly mentality that assumes the person will want you more if you reject them.
Many of you reading this have either played games with people’s minds or have been the victim of the same. It’s not a pleasant thing to be involved with. Many games leave us battered, bruised, paranoid, untrusting, and apprehensive in our hearts, minds, and spirits. In this inaugural Marriage Prep column, I am going to deal with games people SHOULD play. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not justifying game playing. What I am doing is highlighting something that we should do when getting involved in a relationship and illustrating it in the form of a game.
The game we’ll use to illustrate our point is cards (in general). Actually, there’s only one aspect of cards that we’re going to use. Please bear with me, for the sake of edification, and picture in your mind the old cowboy movie where they’re sitting around playing some type of card game. Things usually appear to go well when, all of a sudden, one of the players has been found to have a card up his sleeve – a card that will alter the course of the game, as well as the mental state of those around him. The frustration experienced by the other players finds its foundation in the lack of truth and disclosure. Can you hear the parallel?
Anytime someone plays cards it becomes necessary, at some point or another, to reveal what is in your hand. Not revealing your hand, or misrepresenting it, is unfair to the other people and the perpetrator. In order to be successful in relationships, the similitude of this element must be followed. Part of the foundation to a healthy and fruitful relationship is honesty. You will never have proper interaction in a relationship until you are honest with yourself and your potential companion. The last thing you need to do is keep an ace up your sleeve. How many times have you heard someone say . . . I didn’t know that about you!!! Many times, after that statement is made, the relationship ends. Have you ever had someone deal with you in an untruthful manner or have you ever been guilty of the same? Have you ever withheld information from someone because of how they might respond? This will result in extreme frustration. Yes, it hurts sometimes when you find out the truth about someone or something, but it hurts a lot less than if you discover you’ve been deceived (and the effect usually doesn’t last as long).
There is another side. Have you ever been in a situation when someone, voluntarily or involuntarily, shows you “the ace up their sleeve” and you refused to see it or took it lightly? That also results in a great deal of unnecessary pain. Proverbs 20:17 says, Bread of deceit is sweet to a man; but afterwards his mouth shall be filled with gravel. I have frequently seen and counseled with individuals over the years with this testimony. Many Christians suffering from loneliness have a tendency to ignore warning signs in a person’s life — deceiving themselves for the sake of being in the relationship that they feel they so greatly deserve. I strongly believe and know that if you are interested in someone, God will reveal essential parts of his or her personality to you so that you can make a sound, wise decision.
To further illustrate and drive the point home, I’ll use my wife and myself (see the credits on the inside cover – my wife and I were married in January ’97). Judge in yourselves the level of wisdom in this application. We went to extremes to lay the proper foundations for communication. We would take turns asking each other questions. Sometimes we had boundaries and sometimes we didn’t. We referred to this as playing cards – we weren’t afraid to put ALL of our cards on the table for the other individual’s viewing and evaluation.
Using this exercise not only encouraged us to communicate, but because honesty was employed and embraced, it gave us an opportunity to learn quite a bit about one another and minimized the so-called adjustment period that married people scare single people with. A properly-handled courtship can make marriage transition easy. Remember, Paul said that they that are married shall have trouble in the flesh – he never said how much, though. How much trouble we have is determined by several key factors. Two of them are how we communicate and the level of honesty in our dealings with one another.
If you’re in a relationship, set some time aside (if you don’t already) and lay your cards out on the table. Everybody has to deal with some quirks (and be dealt with). Love the other person enough as a brother or sister in Christ to let them know what they’re getting themselves into. Make a commitment to yourself to be honest. Don’t be afraid of what you’re going to find out or what someone will find out about you. Give the person a chance to love you for who you are and not who they think you are. No one can fall in love with you if you keep you hidden on a shelf somewhere. Ask God for the courage to come out of your fear of honesty. Trust Him for providing a companion in your life with the wisdom, love, and courage to love you where you are AND also with the ability to provide the help necessary to help you proceed where God wants you, both in life and in Him.
How about it? Are you up for a game of cards? This is definitely a game that we should play – prayerfully, fairly, and honestly.
“Games People Should Play” by Bishop D.W. Hood
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Reprinted from Volume 2, Issue 2 of Scenario Magazine
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